Doomed Love
by Svidrigailov022
Summary: AU SS/LE. Whatever Happened to Severus Snape and Lily Evans? James Potter stumbles on the unexpected and shocking answer when he answers an unexpected summons. One-Shot which imagines how things would have turned out if Lily did not join the Order, if she and Sev had to fend for herself and if the prophecy only allowed Voldemort one choice.


_DISCLAIMER - This is non-profit and done with no claims of copyright_

**_Doomed Love_**

James Potter walked through the marsh on the edge of Spinner's End. He was covered under his old Invisibility Cloak and walked through the abandoned millworks in curiosity and silence. _This is a trap_, he thought_, yet what else could I do_. The summons that had called him there were unexpected. He had thought that the person had died, one of the many people who fell to Voldemort's hands. After Hogwarts, there was no trace, nor any sign or record. No report of appointment at any place of work, no posting at any institution. Nor was there any obituary. Every time the Order and the Death Eaters tussled in some backwater village, he would search the bodies, look for any familiar physical details and when they matched, they never added up.

His friends knew this of course. They called him obsessive and Sirius Black called him crazy. _"Give it up, Prongs"_, he had said, _"she's either dead or hiding if she's smart. And besides, she rejected you, wouldn't give you the time of the day."_ And yet that only made the memory sweeter for James Potter. Lily Evans had become the vision of all that he had missed. And every time he cast a Patronus, she was the first thought that sprung in his mind. He remembered when they were in the seventh year, he was Head Boy and she was Head Girl and he had made a great effort to be more responsible and to mature. He had been sincere too. And in that year, they had worked together and they had spent a great deal of time together. They even became friends and they parted Hogwarts as friends. But not before James had made his feelings clear to her. After she had rejected two or three attempts at dating him, telling her that she only wanted to be friends with him, he finally told her that he was in love with her. He remembered the awful look on her face. Full of surprise, tenderness, regret and gentle reproach. She knew he was hurting him but she had no choice, "_Oh James! I…you must understand that I love another, that there's someone else!" _

He didn't know how to respond. He remembered feeling angry, used and bitter. He felt that she had manipulated him into a false friendship and a false sense of hope. He had felt betrayed by her. They remained friends after that, much to the displeasure of her boyfriend, the same boyfriend whose life he had once saved. And he remembered seeing her last at Kings Cross station, meeting her parents and seeing her form retreating, arm in arm with the man she loved and who, and this he had always known, returned her love. He had heard from Slughorn that she planned to work for _The Practical Potioneer_ and other magical publications but she had disappeared. As for Snape, well there was no word from him too until he applied to Dumbledore for a job at Hogwarts. And now Evans was back in his life, sending him a note asking to meet her.

He arrived at the house address that she had given him. It was an ugly old house. He wondered at what hard circumstances had led to her living like this. _Oh well, we can catch up now_, he removed his Cloak and approached the house. He removed his wand and moved it around the door, sensing several defense charms. _The direct approach is best_.

"Hello, this is James Potter, I got your message."

There was a pause until he heard a muffled sound asking back, "What did I tell you at the end of our 5th Year Defense of the Dark Arts OWLs.?"

"You said you wouldn't go out with me if it was a choice between me and the Giant Squid," he answered. "You were honest as always", he added, unable to hide the ardor in his voice.

The door opened and he saw her against the frame. She was no longer the Lily Evans he had known. She was still beautiful he thought, but she was thinner and paler than before. Her eyes no longer had the same luster and they were markings on her head. The clothes she wore were older and more frayed. She smiled when she saw him.

"It's been too long, James."

"So it has."

After entering the house, he settled in the small living room. It was covered with books and smelt of several potions ingredients. And there were all kinds of odds and ends stubbed on the floor.

"So you live here?"

"We live here," she corrected. "Me, Sev and the baby."

"Oh," he responded. His gaze now directed to the small cot that he had just noticed. He walked over and noticed a small child who was happily sleeping.

"Her name is Iris", she said. "She's just five months old".

"Nice name. Floral names are of course highly common but there aren't many Irises. Of course I would have suggested something different," he said.

"What?"

"Well Elvendork"

"Elvendork," she said with a laugh.

"Yes, and the thing is you can't tell if it's male or female. It's unisex."

Lily laughed deeply and her eyes lit up much to James' pleasure.

"Still the same Potter"

"Wish I could say you are the same, Mrs. Snape," replied James.

At that all color vanished off her face.

"Severus won't be back until tomorrow," she said, hinting at the reason why she had summoned her old suitor.

"Pity, I looked forward to seeing him," said James, not entirely hiding the sneer in his voice.

"I knew you never liked him. Well, I loved him and I still do, this is our girl," she said pointing to Iris. "I gave up everything for him. I sacrificed my hopes and my dreams and I trusted him."

"And did he return your love and trust?" asked James.

"At first but then he became secretive, he said that if I didn't do as he said all three of us would die," she said. "He kept me locked here, hidden, removed me from my family and old friends. Oh he had reasons. They would kill us if we didn't do what he would do. Just like they killed his mother and my…parents."

"What?" asked James in shock. "When did this happen?"

"After 7th year, Severus said he was going to join the Death Eaters, he had told them that all through sixth year and that he would join the first thing he left Hogwarts," she said bitterly. "He didn't tell me then. He had kept it hidden from me. All that time I had been blind to what he was, I felt bad for him, because you and your friends always attacked him each and every time." She paused. "Then I thought he was misunderstood."

"Lily, he knew more about the dark arts than anyone else…"

"He knew more about magic than anyone else," she replied back in pride, defending her husband and her choice to marry him. James remained silent. "You're just the same, judgmental and arrogant. Sev was brave, dark and romantic."

"I think I'm going to be ill," said James with a sigh. "Look why did you call me? Why torment me after all these years?"

Lily looked at him, and replied, "I called you because you were the only one I can turn to. I am going to leave Severus and take Iris with me. I can't do it alone because, the Dark Lord," James flinched at hearing the Death Eater sobriquet coming from Lily's mouth, "will kill me and kill Iris too when he finds out I'll leave."

"Why me and why not Dumbledore?"

"I didn't think he'd want to meet me, the wife, or the partner, of a Death Eater, but you…"

"Snape is a Death Eater," he replied with shock, understanding dawning on him.

"You didn't know?" she asked, "I-I-Please don't kill him." She replied with fear on her face.

"Tell me the whole story."

And she told him, and he listened. Severus Snape's lifelong fascination with the Dark Arts, and assorted poisons and curses had led him to take an unhealthy amount of curiosity in Voldemort's rise to power. This was known to all and sundry. What was less well known was that after the OWL year, Voldemort took a personal interest in the Slytherins of the next generation and many of them were secretly recruited for future initiation. Among the people pledging their names was Severus Snape. And Snape planned to take the Dark Mark after his seventh year as promised. But then, under the sign of his and Lily's growing love, and her own dislike for the Dark Arts and Severus' friends, Snape began having second thoughts. He knew that he couldn't have both Lily and the Dark Mark, so first he chose Lily.

"He told them that he wanted to develop his talents, study more and earn money," she said sadly, "that he'd wanted to be a better wizard. But then they didn't take rejection pleasantly. The Dark Lord expects a lifetime's service. They followed Sev and they kept an eye on us and they knew what the real reason was. They sent us a warning first by killing his mother, then his father was poisoned and then they killed my parents. Made it look like a car crash." Her voice became heavy with sadness and tears welled in her eyes. "Sev said that we had to go into hiding. And so we did. And I've been living here with him, like this for all this time."

James approached Lily and put a hand on her shoulder. She trembled and looked at him with confusion but accepted it.

"If I had known," he said heavily, "If any one of us had known. We would have helped. Dumbledore would have protected you."

"Really," she said bitterly, "like the way he's protected the other hundreds of people the Dark Lord has killed."

"There are hundreds others whose lives we have saved and who are kept safe by us," he returned. "How did you manage?" At her expression, he elaborated, "I mean for food, for money, especially for the baby."

"Sev said that he was being paid for making potions, at Mungos and others. I helped him all this time," she said, "All lies. I uncovered the truth. He hid the Dark Mark well all this time; there was no reason for suspecting any different. Then some two months ago he came bursting with happiness. He said that all our troubles would be over. That we would have nothing to fear from the Dark Lord."

"Voldemort," said James loudly.

Lily flinched, "You said his name."

"Yes I did," he said firmly. "All my friends use his name. Only Death Eaters call him the Dark Lord."

Lily paled, "I did say…I was a Death Eater's wife. So, Severus told me that we would have nothing to fear."

"Does this have anything to do with Snape applying at Hogwarts?"

"What?" asked Lily in shock. "He…he never told me that!"

"We were looking for him for some time. He dropped out of our range after Hogwarts, like you. We wondered at first if you two had been killed, a mixed couple, like many others but there was no trace. Then some months back out of the blue he applies for a post of Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"He told me that the Dark Lord had forgiven him completely," said Lily bitterly. "That even I would be allowed."

"Wait, Severus said you could be a Death Eater too?" said James, confused at the bizarre turn of events.

"Yes"

"We had been in hiding, but then Snape went over to Lucius Malfoy and he begged them to give him another chance. When asked about me, he told them that I had ran away, gone back among Muggles, broken my wand," she continued bitterly, "and that he would find and kill me when the time came."

"How did Snape hide this?" asked James in wonder.

"He knows Occlumency, how to hide his-"

"I know what Occlumency is."

"He took the Mark and became a Death Eater," she said darkly, "All that time, we had been in hiding, all those long absences when he went looking for work and money, he was out torturing Muggles and other families and witches."

James sighed, "And you never suspected?"

"James, they killed my parents and they would have killed me too, Severus was there and he said he would protect me, we would be safe," she cried, "we were trapped in this house and we had to depend on each other, it was even romantic, and we were even happy. We felt that we were the only two people in the world. And then three of us." She said looking up at James and turning to the cot. James followed her and both of them looked at the sleeping child.

"I found it so hard to walk away from all that, but when I found out the truth, that day he told me everything."

"_Lily," said Severus entering the room with spirit._

"_Sev", said Lily happily, she went to him and kissed him. "What happened?" _

"_Everything will change. We will be safe and no one will hurt us," said Severus, "The Dark Lord has forgiven me."_

"That's what made me realize that something was wrong," said Lily tearfully as James listened stricken, "the word, "forgiven" who was the Dark Lord to Severus for him to forgive. We had lived all this time thinking we were defying him, defying Voldemort." She said suddenly, realizing what she had said, "that's the first time I said his name."

James pressed a hand on her shoulder.

"But all this time he was serving him. He was one person with me, in this house and with our child and another outside," she replied bitterly.

"_He's given us permission to live," said Severus, "to marry. We will be allowed to live as other people."_

"_But why now?"_

_And then Severus looked at me remorsefully and he confessed everything to me. He told me of all the years of deception and lying. All for my sake, all the torture and killing he had done to protect us, the poisons and venoms and potions, he and I made, which I thought we were giving to Mungo's for their help were used to poison other witches and wizards_. _I was furious._

"_YOU BETRAYED ME" I shouted at him._

"_Lily listen," he stalled. _

_He said that he had given The Dark Lord information. That he had discovered the one who would vanquish the Dark Lord_.

"What?" said James in shock. He had heard that prophecy of course from Dumbledore. But he thought it was meaningless. Dumbledore believed that the Longbottoms matched the criteria. That Voldemort would attack them, he had said that someone had overheard the prophecy but until now, nobody knew. And now.

"Snape told Voldemort the prophecy," he said in shock.

"He said that the Dark Lord would attack the Longbottoms," said Lily, "Alice Prewett, she was Head Girl when I was in third years and Sev told the Dark Lord he had to kill her. He told me everything. He said that he was in the inner circle and that the Dark Lord would allow me to become a Death Eater at our next meeting, that I would be the first…the first Mudblood."

"Did Snape say that?" asked James with narrowed eyes.

"No, I did…"

"_This is a greater honor than anything you can imagine," said Snape furiously, "I have done all this for you. I have provided for you, I have risked my life everyday for you and Iris, I have sacrificed everything for your benefit and now I have provided you an opportunity unheard and undreamt of."_

"_Yes" I sneered, "The world's first Mudblood Death Eater."_

"He slapped me when I said that," cried Lily. "I knew then and saw what he was. He's betrayed me and lied to me every day of my life. All in the name of love."

James grabbed her by her shoulders, "You aren't safe. Not from Snape and not from anyone else. We're leaving right away. Take Iris, right now."

Lily he found had already packed her clothes and her luggage, the baby was bundled and given a sleeping charm. Meanwhile James kept a survey outside the house, to see if no one was there. To think that his hope to see what had happened to the Girl of his dreams would reveal this nightmare that she was in. _Well_, he thought to himself _I will save her. I will protect her_. He thought. _But would she love me. She loved Severus, never me._

Lily took one last look at the place, as she held her daughter. She trembled and James knew that she was having second thoughts. So before anything, he covered her with his cloak.

"What?" said Lily.

"This is an invisibility Cloak," said James. "It will keep us hidden and it's big for more than one person. We're going to take the Knight Bus. With the baby, the Portkey and Apparition won't be safe. Let's go."

They walked out, invisibly, carefully hiding their footsteps, watchful of any magical eyes. But nobody was there and James had taken the precautions. Lily had chosen the right day, and _the right man_, he thought about himself.

They kept walking and moved out of Spinner's End. They approached the main road and James and Lily arrived by a Playground.

"That's where I first met Sev," lamented Lily. "We were nine, and I lived nearby. We were so young then. It was before Hogwarts."

James didn't know what to say. He held out his hand, and stopped the Knight Bus. Lily stepped in carefully with Iris and James followed, "Hogsmeade" he told the driver.

"Hogsmeade?" asked Lily.

"You are not safe anymore. The safest place right now is Hogwarts and we will speak to Dumbledore about keeping you and the baby safe."

James then removed his wand, and a Stag stepped out of his wand and ran away.

"That's a patronus" said Lily in wonder.

"Yes."

"I never learnt that," said Lily sadly. "I tried to but Sev said that that kind of magic wouldn't be of much use. He said that it would only help with Dementors and they were in prison."

"Well _Sev_ will be seeing Dementors very soon," added James cynically.

Lily turned to him and bent her head.

"I love him still. He did everything for me," she noted sadly.

"He's a Death Eater and a torturer and he's killed people with poisons," said James firmly. "And he manipulated you, kept you his prisoner, if you don't see that…"

"You're just jealous."

"If you knew that then why did you call me?"

"Because," said Lily heavily, "you said you loved me once. And I hoped you wouldn't judge me. If I had gone to the Ministry…"

James looked at her with compassion.

"I did love you then," said James sadly, "I always felt that … we would end up together. I thought that I could change then you would see I wasn't all that bad."

"I always knew you weren't all that bad," she replied.

"Please you hated me, you called me an arrogant toerag," said James bitterly.

"I did and you were an arrogant bullying toerag," she stated and James shrugged. "But I thought that you could be better, you were smart, you were even generous in your high-mannered way. And you were funny."

"Really," noted James in amazement.

"Yes, I nearly laughed that time when you strung Sev up by the tree."

"Oh yes, fifth year OWLs"

"I always told Sev to mind his grooming. When we started dating, I bought him new clothes and he started dressing better. But you know it seemed funny when it shouldn't have been and what you were doing was cruel."

James didn't reply.

"You know when I asked Sev once why he joined the Death Eaters, you know what he told me?" said Lily turning to face James.

"What?"

"He said that he joined because he wanted to be the one that hurt you, that he wanted revenge for all the things you and his friends put him through."

James heard that and let it sink in.

"I told him he was insane for sacrificing his life for revenge," she said bitterly. "But if you were nicer to him then, nicer to me…well?"

James turned to face her.

"I'm not blaming you for Severus, I blame you for making him angry and miserable, I blame him for letting that consume him and I blame myself for allowing him to consume me."

"What matters is what we choose to do, Lily. I chose to oppose Voldemort with every fibre of my being and Snape chose to be his servant."

"Is it that simple then?"

"Right now it is," said James quietly. He looked at the girl in Lily's arms and looked at its face. "Iris is beautiful."

Lily nodded. "Sev and I…we never got married officially. But when I became pregnant, he looked after me and registered me in a Muggle hospital and I gave birth to her then."

"And you would have continued raising a child like that," said James in shock, "What about when it develops its powers and goes to Hogwarts?"

"Severus told me, he said that by that time, the Dark Lord would either win or lose and that we would face it when it came."

They didn't say anything more until they reached Hogsmeade.

James covered Lily with the Cloak as they walked up the High Street and Lily felt her heart lighten at the sight of such familiar sights and old landscapes. She felt she was returning home. James held her shoulders as they walked past school gates and up the castle lawns.

"Lily, I…" he said heavily, not sure what to say. "I just want you to know that I'll keep you safe. You and the baby."

Lily turned to him and nodded with a great heaviness in her throat. She didn't know what to say. And they walked up to Dumbledore's office together, not saying a word.

END

_Author's Note_

_Having read many AU stories online about how perfect things in Snape's life would have been had Lily not broken off their friendship(and presumed future romance). I wanted to give a more accurate picture of how their relationship would have turned out, given how their characters were at that point in time._

_ Basically, in this one-shot, Snape didn't use the M-word that day in his fifth year, Lily didn't join the Order of the Phoenix, Snape did try to leave the Death Eaters but considering the persecutions of Regulus Black and Karkaroff and the fact that Snape didn't have loyalty to Dumbledore until after Lily was threatened, I figured that he would do what he did best in the books, play both sides and try and defend himself and Lily best as he could, until he finds the golden one-in-a-million chance to curry favour with Voldemort, which is the Prophecy, which here refers to Neville Longbottom and not their daughter. _


End file.
